Decorating While Married: How To Avoid an Argument
It’s inevitable. When two people move in together, despite how much you love each other, differing design styles can cause conflict. Yes, even right there in the middle of the furniture store. But it doesn’t have to be that way! Today I’m sharing how you can come to a meeting of the minds to achieve the beautiful home you both desire – without driving each other crazy.
Establish a unified front
The first and most important thing to remember is that you’re on the same team! The foundation of any successful project is collaboration and a shared vision among everyone involved. So, you’ll want to start by getting a game plan together. And why not make it an intentional meeting of the minds? Get cozy, crack open some snacks, maybe a glass of wine and start talking about how you want your home to look and feel. This is an opportunity to be open about your thoughts and listen to what your partner is sharing. Here are four questions to get the ball rolling (remember, there are no wrong answers):
- How do we want this space to function?
- How do we want this space to make us feel?
- What is working well for us in this space?
- What is not working for this space?
Identify Your Design Styles
Sometimes, an argument can occur simply because one person doesn’t like the other person’s style. Your partner can deem your style too modern while you say theirs is too traditional, for example. Everyone can find one thing in every design style that they like. You just have to look for it. I suggest you both go on pinterest, google, or maybe instagram to identify your design style. You can just do a search around one of the rooms you want to work on. For instance, you can type “living room design” in the image search bar and pick some photos that are appealing to you. Take note of what you like and don’t like and share that information with your partner. It may be helpful to set up a pinterest board or moodboard to hone your style and help you clearly communicate to your partner what your style is.
Make It Make Cents
Now that you have a sense of what your combined style is – let’s talk about the money. A recent study by furniture company, Article, found that the budget is one of the main things couples argue about the most. No shocker there.
It’s so easy to dive right into the pretty phase of a design project by looking for paint colors, furniture, and finishes. Believe me when I tell you that it has taken a near act of God for me to walk out of a home decor store empty-handed. But I’ve done it. Because without parameters on what you’re spending your money on and how much of it you can spend, a conflict is more likely to happen because you’re just not aligned. So, let’s take a step back and do a little financial planning first.
Here’s what you’ll need to do:
- Make a list of every room that you want to update, renovate, or design.
- Under each room category, make an exhaustive list of everything you could possibly want done in those spaces.
- Determine if these are projects that are DIY-able or should be outsourced to a professional.
- Get estimates for the cost of supplies (and labor if you decide to hire out).
I put together a free worksheet to help you get started. Click here to grab yours.
Once you’ve gotten all of your thoughts, and Ideas out of your head and written down, it’s time for another conversation with your partner. This time, you’ll discuss the vision, scope, and cost of each project with one another and make some decisions together upfront. So by the time you get to the furniture store, you and your partner are gliding through the store making choices, agreeing, and most importantly enjoying the process – looking like #couplesgoals.
Set a Timeline
Now, before you head to the store, you’ll need to prioritize your projects. You could be ready to tackle them all now or you may need to spread them out over the next year or so. You read that right – sometimes, you know a space needs something – you just don’t know what that something is. It could take time living and experiencing the space to figure it out. Or you need to save the money to get exactly what you want, and that’s ok! Don’t let the pressure of your social media feed or the urge to get it done impulsively push you. That could cause you to make a decision that you’ll regret later, or an argument with your spouse. Whether you choose to tackle the most budget conscious project first, or the room that needs the most attention is up to the BOTH of you (*wink*).
Communicate and Compromise
Lastly, the most important thing you can do is to foster a spirit of compromise and mutual respect. Open communication and flexibility will go a very long way.
By implementing these strategies, you can navigate the decorating process smoothly and create a space that you both will love and love spending time in together.
